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(Copyright The Province (Vancouver)
1996)
INTERVIEW WITH DAVID RUSSELL AND KELLY PHELAN
Q How do you keep from going crazy listening to all those people
complain all the time?
A Kelly: I go to the spa twice a week for a full-body massage, followed by a combination mud and seaweed wrap. While I'm
there Antonio Banderas feeds me strawberries and paints my toenails. . .wait that's not real! This is . . . crazy, I'm not
crazy.
Q What's the weirdest complaint you've ever heard?
A Dave: People complain about some odd things. Recently, one caller lamented that he couldn't find anywhere that sold
Kraft powdered cheese on its own, without the macaroni. Eeeeewww!
Kelly: I still can't believe the complaint about people clipping their toenails on the bus! Double eeeewww!
Q Do you have regular callers, and if so do you have nicknames for them?
A Dave: We do have some fairly regular callers. Of course, we would never attach labels to their names as that might imply
that we feel in some way disrespectful towards them. Besides, our producers won't let us say those words on television.
Q Are you generally happy people? Or are you the type to complain all the time?
A Dave: I'm a happy live and let live type. I may not appear that way on the show, but that's just acting. Kelly on the
other hand, is a miserable, cantankerous grump. If it's not one thing, it's another. Honestly, most of the crew are afraid
to speak around her. She fires more people than Roseanne.
Q Has hosting the show given you any special skills you may have not otherwise honed?
A Dave: I don't think that anyone on the entire West Coast of Canada or United States can hang up the phone on someone
faster than I can.
Q You don't do this fulltime, so what are Kelly and David's alter egos up to?
A Kelly: I am a super-powered freedom fighter.
Dave: I do historical analysis of intelligence gathered for national security purposes. Wait, that's Jack Ryan in Patriot
Games. Truthfully, I teach extreme skydiving classes and advanced underwater photography, along with occasional high school
classes.
Q Any dates out of the Complaint Dept?
A Dave: Well, I'm married, but if anyone would like to buy dinner for my wife and I, we're there for ya.
Q What happened to the hosts before you? Did they go crazy?
A Dave: Neither Kelly nor I acknowledge the existence of any previous co-hosts. And we both have rock-solid alibis for
the days they disappeared.
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